Where do I go from here and who will take me?
Me Too? - Linda - Feb 15th 2007
I am currently feeling very comfortable at home, alone. I went out to lunch with a relative today and I did not feel very well, could not wait to get back home. I am wondering if this social disorder manifests itself in this manner. I don\'t leave home often anymore, as I have few $$, reasons or friends anymore. It seems like just yesterday I had it all. I am only fifty years old. I had a great career and I was happily childless. In fact, I have been lost really since I have not been able to work anymore. I can\'t even do any volunteer work because I am not dependable. I never know how I am going to feel each day, accept BAD. Here is other backgroud stuff:
In the last 16 months I have lost three best friends to painful deaths, become estranged from my siblings, lost my home to hurricane Katrina, had two unsuccessful back surgeries and am considered disabled for life. Oh, and my husband divorced me while I was flat on my back and unable to work. I am suffering tremendously from post menopause, I cannot sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time due to sweats. I can\'t take HRT due to recent cancer.
I saw a movie last week called \"They Shoot Horses, Don\'t They?\", and if you have ever seen the movie you will know why I feel like I should be shot as well! I feel just like the main character in the movie felt. She was just having a bad few days, but I think I deserve what she got.
No drugs ever stop this relentless back pain.
So, do I have this disorder,or a different one or just bad luck? Oh, and my parents, who are in their late seventies, just broke up. I definetly feel a lot of guilt about that, as they were under a lot of stress due to hurricane wiping out their home and worrying about my problems.
And when I was only 18 years old,I was raped and almost murdered, I thought that was the worst thing that would ever happen. HA! Life says! I have plenty more for YOU.
Well, I have searched for help in a lot of places, seen a few doctors that just want to shove pills down me and none of the pills help. I think in the days of past I would have died or someone would have shot me, don\'t you think? I feel like \"GAME OVER, I LOST.\"
On the brighter side, I havea lot of time to study. Science is interesting and I am pretty sure there is no god. So, that direction is out.
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